Webinar: 5 Mistakes Single Brothers Make When Looking for a Wife
Assalamu alaikum,
Inshallah this coming Tuesday Oct-19th Sh. Yaser will be doing a webinar for brothers on the 5 mistakes single brothers make when looking for a wife.
If you havn’t registered for it, here is the link: http://www.practimate.com/brothers/webinar/
What do you think those mistakes are? Some are so common its shocking that we actually make them!
So what do you think? Any guesses?
What mistake have you done when you were looking for a wife?
Post it here.
Lets start…. Bismillah
Assalam O Alikum Wr Wb, I am in Pakistan, so here the biggest mistake we make is that we are more culturally caught up into all the cast system. So we want to marry one from our cast preferably. And that just breaks the bones of a potential proposal outside our cast.
Salaam ‘alaikum,
1. Communicating with a person you like on your own either through social networking websites or chat rooms without getting either side’s parents involved.
2. Going for it while lacking financial stability: Proposing while not having the means to even support yourself.
3. Going for it without fully understanding the magnitude of what a huge responsibility marriage is:
Some brothers tend to view marriage ONLY as a means of fulfilling their desires lawfully. Something like a fairy tale you know..you find the princess of your dreams and live happily ever after.
Aslam Alikom Wa Rahmtu Allah Wa Barkatuh,
I think we do some of these mistakes
1- We still focus on beauty, and almost forget about the other things.
2- Forgetting that marriage is an act of worship in our religion.
3- Not setting some limits to both the man and the woman.
and Allah knows best.
1- Affectionate attitude, acting in an unnatural way
2- Being too loose in one’s values, giving everything away for the wife to be’s sake
3- Making unthoughtful promises and big commitments
and i give up on the rest because i never did such a thing before but i am just guessing
Praise be to Allaah.
There is a HUGE fitnah among the many fitan plaguing the Ummah right now, it is the ignorant and arrogant marriage customs and traditions of the Muslims that go against the Sunnah and even against Shariah.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1084) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and character pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)”
[al-Noor 24:32]
Unfortunately nowadays there is no belief in the words of Allah, you see the hypocrisy come out of people when you mention this verse to them or the following hadith…..
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.
bn Maajah (1887) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah, then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says, ‘You cost me everything I own, and caused me a great deal of hardship’.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532.
Twelve uqiyah is equivalent to 480 dirhams, i.e., approximately 135 silver riyals (134.4). This was the mahr of the daughters and wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/194:
Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were given – when they were the best women in this world in all aspects – is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.
the rest of the fatwa you can find here
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/10525
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/12572
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/93543/marry%20him
Allah is sufficient for us and the best of those on whom to depend
Its a big mistake to agree to a mahr that you can not afford and it is a makrooh practice according to the scholars.
Can anyone PLEASE tell me how to read EST time? I don’t get it at all. I even tried going to this site but I don’t see how I can relate with my time. Thanks. http://everytimezone.com/
Salam Adib,
Where do you live? Try this website: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html
Also 7pm EST is New York time.
I hope this helps.
Wasalam
Atiq
A mistake some brothers make is that out of their innocence they do not take a goooood look at the prospective wife. Only after getting married to someone he might realize he is not attracted to her.
I know a brother who made this mistake and now has a wife who he does not find attractive.
So have atleast 3 meetings with the sister where you can see her. And it is completely okay for the brother to take a good look and see if he finds her attractive. It would also be helpful that the sister dresses in a manner where the brother can get an idea of her body figure.
Biggest mistake is thinking that the relationship will be like a fairy tale without any issues.
Brothers and sisters need to get practical and understand that marriage is a commitment and there will be ups and downs which can be overcome if the couple understand each others well and know their roles.
Also dont expect her to be the best in every aspect.
Leave your response!