LIVE from ISNA: 2 Minute Audio
This was the most-asked question at Practimate’s booth at ISNA. So, here it is. It’s only 2 min.
WARNING: The sound is REALLY LOUD! So, turn down the volume a little.
Sh. Yaser Birjas Talking To A Couple At Practimate's Booth at ISNA 2009
Now it’s your turn.
What do YOU have to add to his answer?
Why do YOU (personally) think this training is needed?
Assalam Alaikum, I just have a question: when are you planning on relaunching?
I always recommend taking workshops and classes about marriage and parenting. When people ask why, I respond by saying:”Can people become doctors, lawyers or other professionals without education or practice? No, they have to take classes and put in long hours of internships and practice. Unfortunately we cannot afford to practice in marriage and parenting. We have to do it right the first time. So invest in preparing and educating yourself to become a pro at marriage and parenting before you get married and become a parent. It is worth it.
Wassalam,
Nassiba
Assalamualaikum,
You could also add that if people did not need marriage training (Muslims and non-Muslims), then the divorce rate would not be so high in America. I think the statistic was that over 60% of marriages fail within the first 2 to 3 years. This is clearly because they had misconceptions about marriage and did not know the reality of it.
May Allah bless you all for your efforts in trying to educate the people.
i do agree that training is needed however, it may not be useful for everyone for example, one may think that as a husband/wife, they know what to do and are perfectly fine when doing practical things when it comes to marriage e.g for a wife, cooking cleaning maintaining the house and children, looking after husband may be things which they feel are used to doing.
thats my undesrstanding of “training”.
however, it may be useful for others who may not be used to the practical things a wife/husband does or looking at the “other” side e.g. when talking to spouse regarding problems or fualts in the other, they may experience difficulty and as a result there will be confusion and misunderstanding equallling to an arguement which many couples go through nowadays increasing the divorce rate so in those cases, a lot of training will be needed.
I think the need for training is essential. But then I am sure other sisters (like me) generally like the idea. Its our mashAllah lazy brothers who are so used to being fed and looked after and being catered to their every need, who want marriages to be exactly the same thing. “Why study, huh?!” OK, yeah, leave it to the wife to study, to give birth to lots of children, to raise them and you just sit on your back side and enjoy life!!!
I am sometimes seriously concerned for our brothers
Fed up sister
Assalaamalikum,
I Think it is extremly important to learn as much possible (marrage in Islam) for brothers and sisters, it is very disturbing statistics in muslim community of divorces and problems. lots of times brothers fail to understand the beauty of Islam and mix culture and treat women like housewifes & not his wife, and make her do everything. It is very very sad as I have a sister whose husband treats her like that & say he loves her very much.
I understand its not always men & most of the times its our sisters as well, I am not here to blame whose faulte it is but educating onself is very important.
I havent seen any religion goes into depth to make a successful marrage life if we implement & understand our partners. Nobody is perfect. with the person comes the whole package (positive & negative attributes)
Marrying for the sake of Allah & with patience,understanding, forgiveness, and ignoring the mistakes of our partners for the sake of Almighty, Inshallah will make us better humans (muslims).
The ones among us who are blessed with parents experience what marriage is about, what loving, caring and being there for each other means, by example of our parents. All of us have a sense of what is right or wrong and once we get married that sense is going to guide us on a prosperous path.
There are going to be no benefits even if all of us take trainings such as these and still end up single. The biggest problem for the Muslim youth in the west is not the lack of knowledge or training but limited options when it comes to marriage. If it is established that, I am not good enough for any Muslim Girl because I was not born in this country no training in the world is going to change that fact. Programs such as these may assist a select few but I doubt they’re going to make any major impact in changing our mindset.
Eisa — Very well said ..AMEEN*
I agree with most of us here ….times and views are changing in this new world and I think as we move along we need to make sure we don’t loose ourselves. Education and setting a strong foundation is just one step towards a more healthy and prosperous future, InshAllah.
ASA- I personally attend 12 weeks of marriages classes at an Islamic Counseling center in the Atlanta area every year. It’s an awesome course for free that 3 Imaams and a Sheikh give it and I learn something new every year. These brothers give pre-marital and post-marital counseling and I admire the great work they do for the sake of Allah. I feel confident that between my own reading, seeking counsel from my Wali and these classes yearly I am well prepared for marriage. I also feel that knowledge is a life long process that should be continued throughout the marriage to keep everything on track. Every year mostly married Muslims attend the course, and they seem to find a great benefit in it.
Ma Salaama, Tandy
Assalam ‘aleykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh
I couldn’t agree more that trainings are important before marriage. In fact, I think it could be required because most of the time people enter the marriage life thinking they could handle EVERYTHING and know EXACTLY what to do. And again most of the time it’s the people who never thought they would have seen themselves in divorce who end up in divorce, may Allah protect us from divorce! To operate something, we should know what it is about. Many time, divorce occurs for simple reasons that could have easily been solved if the couple knew how to handle it. There wouldn’t be a thing unsolvable if both have the right intentions and try to overlook some faults of the other and also find a practical way of approaching mistakes. But of course Allah knows best. I sure have learned a lot through listening to A LOT of lectures on marriage and reading articles Alhumdulillah. I am still learning and will continue to learn insha Allah.
May Allah help the Muslims to get closer to the deen and clean our understanding of marriage.
Ma’salama
Bismillah as salamu alaikum. For, some reason brother’s seem more opposed to getting counseling. Even to go and talk to the Imam the first thing some think oh, you want to divorce me. Or, you just want to spread our business. I feel that couseling is good sometimes when things are put on paper you can see yourself and whne you read it then you can see yourself even a little more clearer. So, counseling is good, masha’Allah. Barrak Allah fiik.
From the comments I’ve read,this training is really needed.Indeed, it is a great help. It is need to wake the dreamers LOL,the young sisters and brothers whom are sitting there not wanting to face reality.
Asalam waliykum warahmatuallahu wabarakatu.
I think this sort of training is needed desperatly. Today people have high expectations of marriage. As the Shiekh mentioned lots in his videos.. people expect marriage to be like in the movies and also to solve thier past problems.
Its good to have training and advice given before marriage aswell as during the early days of marriage and later on when its tested by time.
Lately marriages within muslim communities are breakign down becuase we are adopting the western lifestyle and thier concept of marriage. We have expectation all take and no give. Astagfirallah. I have seen myself girls my age even younger marry and then few months or a year later divource. Because they were too involved with the physical accpect the romantic aspect of the marriage then the actual day to day living and duties and roles of one another. Alhamdulillah they have learnt from it and i have also and it has changed my views.
But also just like learning to drive a car you dont actually know really how to drive until you are on your own. So its good to have training and advice given but after you are married then you really know the meaning of marriage and it finally hits you. So you can read a million books but it wont ever properly prepare you, wil only give you an idea and maek you think a little.
But i think the youth should not just go into marriage without councling.. it should happen before the nikah and afterwards. Inshallah this will help reduce sham marriages and help us think about important aspets of marriage. Responsibilty and given. I think parents need to paly this role of educating thier children. it shouldnt just be on the imams. parents are gaurdians of thier children and thier teachers.
jazakallah khier
Leave your response!