Your Biggest Fear: UNEDITED VIDEO RESPONSE
After reading through ALL your answers and comments, here is the video
response — it’s completely unedited. You’ll hear hissing sounds, missing
pronouns, and everything in between.
You may need to turn the volume UP.
After you watch it, tell us what you think.
Agree?
Disagree?
UPDATE: Something happened during uploading; so, only the first 5 min. was uploaded.
You can download the entire video by right-clicking and “saving as”: here.
Share YOUR comment/feedback below.
Assalamu Alaikum,
I like what Sh. Yaser is saying so far- I wish he weren’t cut mid-sentence! I wish he had addressed the first two points and their causes and cures a little more, but it’s hard to do that in 5 minutes.
So far this is just a general summary… can’t wait for the full log.
wa assalamu alaikum
I agree with what was expressed by the sheikh subhanallah. It is so true that we believe that marriage is the solution to all our problems. Our spouse will solve all our imperfections and we will be the best of believers. The reality is that marriage could test you in eeman and so you have to have a strong relationship with Allah by yourself and by your own person insha Allah. Marriage should only help you build on that. Wallahu ‘alam.
The background noise wasn’t bad at all and the sound quality was good masha Allah Tabarakallah.
Jazak Allah Khair for the video response!
It was very interesting. Alhumdulillah, we are more alike than we know it. However, I didn’t feel like any solutions to any problems were answered(maybe bc the video is not finished?) How does one build confidence? Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I agree that physical attraction is not the only thing one should look for in a significant other. However, how are we supposed to overcome the ideals that may have been set in our minds of what is attractive and what is not?
Jazak Allah Khair for all the hard work. The videos, blog, and everything is so insightful Masha’Allah.
May Allah subhan huwa ta’Ala help us all find a spouse we are pleased with so that we can complete half our deen…ameen
I think Sh. Birjas didn’t get enough time on this vid…I am waiting to see the rest of his advice
I think praying istikhara is the answer to “what if i marry the wrong person?” if you prayed istikhara then you will not marry the wrong person
SubhanAllaah..
How often do we look for supplements than for compliments. I wasn’t a good muslim like a year back and worse if you go beyond that.
it’s Allaah who guides.
Looks don’t matter to me much, but I certainly wouldn’t put up with a person who’s messed up regarding his aqeedah and hates the sahabah. Seeing what kind of offers I got before, I learnt a lot. Especially that I am okay if I don’t marry a self made scholar.. someone who’s just a nice person and prays his 5 would be all right. Rest is in the hands of Allaah after marriage what changes occur in both sides.
Assalamualykum,
I really liked this video. MashAllah, I love the advice this Sheikh gives. However,for the individuals who feel insecure about the future success of their marriages, what advice is there?
As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
Mashaa’Allah, *amazing* advice from Shaykh Yaser, as always.
I think marriage in general is usually idealized. We should try to focus on how to better ourselves so that we see the best in others. But also, a lot of what we were saying about our spouse helping us in the deen comes from a being surrounded by a non-practicing environment, mainly, at home.
I know when I say I want someone who is practicing, my motivation and zeal comes from past experiences with my family, and unfortunately not in a good way. I think of marriage as my future family. So it *really* scares me to think that I’ll be marrying just another non-practicing, non-praying, culture-loving “mozlem”.
When I go to al-maghrib seminars and other islamic events where I’m IMMERSED in knowledge and surrounded by fellow trying Muslims, it’s like ecstasy (halaal of course!). It’s so beautiful being in those places, with people like students of knowledge and shuyookh, and forgetting about the fitna at home. Until of course you go home and there’s the TV, the apathy, and the lack of devotion to Allah.
So it’s not just that we may be looking for our future spouses to make us better Muslims, but it may be more of “I-need-a-better-environment-so-please-help-me” kind of attitude. At least it is for me. I hope that helps.
May Allah (swt) put tons of barakah in your time and efforts and may He azzawajal reward you ALL generously. Allahumma AMEEN.
Why is the video cut half way ?
yes; the video seems to be cut half-way, or it might be just the end and the camera-man probably cut it b/w Sheikh Yasir’s last word!
AsLamu ALaykum; I learned that one really does not have to worry about being unattractive to his/her spouse because the attraction phase passes after the marriage is in action (that doesn’t mean don’t try to be attractive for your spouse), but one should worry about something else–like keeping the marriage rolling/keeping it successful. Besides, your spouse probably would not have accepted you into marriage if he/she was not interested or was not attracted to you in the first place.
Also, that don’t expect your spouse to make you a better muslim–don’t even think that he/she is going to help you become a better muslim (he/she might, but don’t count on it) because one is responsible for his/her own goodness/piousness/muslimness.
So, marry the person you think you can spend the rest of your life with the personality that person has!
Insh ALlah I hope we all find that person =].
Salamu ALaykum
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou all. Allamdulilah our lord has created you and i can solace in your posts.
(I do,know that but we want some concrete)
jazaakom allaho khay3an any way.
Salam,
I enjoyed watching the video as usual, Al hamdoulillah it’s very important that we understand that the look is not everything since thre is lots of great hearts out there might be attracted by their manners and their great personality.
Wa Asalamou Alaykoum.
To see the whole video, go to the red sentence below the video and right click on the word here, then save.
Masha’Allah this was a very comforting response to the fears expressed.
I especially benefited from the advice to build up our self-esteem and to get the confidence that yes, insha Allah, we can be successful in our marriages. Confidence is a core issue.
This is making it clear to me that the training can be very beneficial to build up this confidence. Marriage is something like any skill that needs to be learned, or an experience that needs to be rehearsed and prepared for. But the real implementation comes in the actual marriage itself.
I guess the training could be compared to the preparation the astronauts do before going into space. But going into space is the real experience.
Many of us go into marriage like someone being put into a rocket, shot up into the sky, and landing on the moon without any preparation except to have seen the moon!
I took away from Sh. Yaser’s talk the importance of when the partners come in with fears of divorce. They are coming in with reduced confidence and determination, and therefore ability, to make the marriage work. When they focus on avoiding divorce, instead of building an outstanding marriage relationship, it is like a handicap.
Sometimes our fears dominate and control what is going on - then we look at everything through a negative lens. So even natural, normal realities of married life take on a very negative aspect. It is almost like when we expect disaster and so always get uptight, bracing for it, and seeing signs of its arrival. Subhan Allah.
It also made a lot of sense what the Sheikh mentioned to temper our beautiful dreams with being realistic in implemenation. While the dreams are good, they will only carry us so far. The reality as it unfolds is what we have to work with.
Also, I appreciated Sh. Yaser’s advice to not place all the burden of improving our deen onto our spouses. This is unfair. Our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is our own, as are our obligations to Him - this is regardless of marriage or not.
Finally, the issue of attraction changing during marriage is very important. I really appreciated the idea of how it develops, and different forms of attraction get added to and enhanced in the marriage relationship even while the physical aspects may change.
Jazakum Allahu Khairan.
Assalammualaikum,
Thank you for such a helpful insight. May Allah reward you and all those involved for such a great effort for our muslim ummah, Insyaallah.
Feeling insecure is normal for everyone. Whether the marriage turns out to be a happy good marriage or not, it is all what Allah says is best for us and to prepare us for the world hereafter. Hence we should not worry if we had made Istikhara prayer and asks for HIS guidance. The main thing is to get a correct perspective of the role of marriage in our life as muslims.
Marriage is both a test in life and education institution. This is where we learn to be sabr(patience) and control our nafs. In doing so we not only may increase our iman but also make us get nearer to Allah SWT, insyaallah.
There’s a saying ‘If one wants to know what sabr(patience) really mean, get married, it will teach us the real meaning of sabr(patience)’
salamo alykum warahmatullah,
i think the video was helpfull i do agree with Sheikh yasir said, but the video was cut off. May u please talk about Istikhara i look forward to more advices.
SALAMO ALYKUM
ASA- I appreciate what he said about marriage not making you a better Muslim. I realize that it’s not a good idea for me to marry anyone with significant issues that I feel will be worked out by completing 50% of your Deen. If you are unsuitable prior to marriage you will be unsuitable after marriage. We are all accountable for our own affairs, we cannot expect our mate to get us to Jannah.
Ma Salaama, Nadirah
Assalamu aleykum warahmatullah
wbr I dream a bout the most having agreat marriage based on good niyah
a great pious hasband who takes marriage as something valuable and willing to sacrifice life because of Allah.
make Allah number one and prioty ever .
my wants are to be able to give service as Allahserant A wife, a mother and best friend to my hasband and I really want some one who respect me and some one who are with me when Iam sik and and olso wan Iam happy some one give advace to me and when I need and some who askes for advace to his wife.the resen that iam saying that is that I was geting marriage berfore but that marriage was not secessful marriage. and I dont understand why that happen .but en some how i understand Allhamdulillah every think happens for the sack of Allah and thier no tahadar to each other.(sabr-et means patience)thank you for such a hjelpful insigt.
may Allah reward you and all those who are involved for such a freat effort for our muslim ummah Inshaa Allaah . Assalamucaleykum warahmatullah wabarakatu to sister and to the brothes. allaah yahfidakum amiin
This a wonderful and a very nice advice given by the Sheikh. Jazakallah Khair sheikh. I hope to keep them in mind and develop myself first before expecting a lot from my future partner.
Salaam all.
I am currently 23 years old, and I fear that if I become 25 and still do not get any good proposals for marriage then I wouldn’t be attractive enough any more for a man to marry me [Allahu Aalam].
JazakAllahu Khayran Kathira,
MashaAllah, as usual a great insight into the institution and practicality of marriage and spousal expectations by the Shaykh.
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